Who wants to live forever

For most of the next month I focused on keeping Molly well. The cough stayed but she seemed to come and go with the cold. Her appetite came and went too. For most of the time she handled it well. She was such a happy little thing.

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She would come out for walks with Luna and I and as she got weaker I carried her most of the time. She seemed to just enjoy being outside and getting down for a sniff and empty out. She just liked being with us and hanging out with the kids in the town.

She got lots of cuddles and treats in the last weeks. I was always hoping things would turn around. We continued to visit the vet but his medicine seemed to have a lot less impact than Sunnan’s and he would only give me three days worth of antibiotics at a time.

In the last couple of weeks I managed to convince my co-workers that it was more important I went home to see the dog than that I was sociable at lunch. I snuck out for twenty minutes to give Molly medicine and rushed back to my afternoon classes.

I felt so sorry for her, this little white happy body, who was really just so tired at having to have so much medicine. Sometimes I think they know it’s coming. They are more philosophical than us, better at coping with mortality. We try so hard to hang on to every last minute with them. Loving them so hard and desperately not wanting them to go. Sometimes it feels like they know they are the ones supporting us through the process. Sometimes it seems like they hang on for as long as they can, not because they are afraid to go, but because they understand we aren’t ready to let them go.

Molly was like that. She really did hang on as long as she could. She loved every single minute, every cuddle with me or Luna, every game with the kids every walk in the sunshine. She had seen the summer and enjoyed the autumn colours and falling leaves in the park.

One night we had all tucked up for bed. Molly had had her medicine. Since she had got sick I had them sleeping in the main room on their bed. The first seizure just sounded like a loud bark. She had two more in quick succession and then she was gone.

Luna and I spent the night curled up together on my bed, me crying and looking at Molly’s little lifeless body and Luna, just snuggling in really close. We already missed Molly terribly.

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